


My Dearest, Patton,

by FirePigeon



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, human!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirePigeon/pseuds/FirePigeon
Summary: My Dearest, Patton,I don't know how much time will pass between my writing this and you reading it.





	My Dearest, Patton,

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there's any Grammer errors or misspellings.

My Dearest, Patton,

I should start with telling you that I don't know how much time will pass between my writing this and you reading it.

I may not be the best with emotions but I'm pretty certain that the information provided by this letter could lead to you being mad, hurt and/or offended, I don't wish those feelings on you but I would like inform you of my own feelings.

I don't like acknowledge that I have emotions but everyone knows that I do. Feelings are part of human nature. I spent a while in denial before I finally realised and admitted to myself that I felt this way.

I am writting this letter a few days before our high school graduation. I have already started to pack the essentials to moved into my college dorm. I'm sorry that I'm going to school so far away from you (and our friends).

I hope that you and Roman are very happy together and that you guys have a long and content life ahead of you.

When I give this letter to you, if I ever give it to you, it will be simply to get this off my chest.

I put things on this paper that I could never tell you verbally. I know that you are in love with our best friend, Roman. I hope he is aware of how magnificent you truly are. I hope he realises before his masked insecurities wreak you.

I would like you to know that I realised myself that I loved you around 9th grade but I probably loved you for a while before that. As stated before, I may not be the best with emotions, but I know for a fact that I love you. My heart is yours and will most likely aways be yours. My whole being is in love with you, Patton Morality Sanders.

I think I'm going to love you as long as I live and, however illogical, even after I die. I do wish Roman the absolute best and care for him like family, sometimes I resent him for what his has.

Being smittened by you has had it's peeks and valleys, more peeks then valleys. My love is deeper then the deepest sea, bigger then space and stronger then energy that holds the universe together.

I love everything about you. I love that you're always smiling, the corners of your mouth seem to always being pulling upwards. I love the purple hair dye you used in yours and Thomas's hair (Although, I'd never sport it myself.). I love the way your tongue sticks out a bit when you're concentrating on measurements while baking. 

I love the emotions flash through my body whenever you hug me or take my hand(s).

I love to spend time with you but sometimes I like saying goodbye more. It's bitter sweet. I want to be near you but I also know that by leaving, the next time we see each other you will hug me.

It makes wait feel so much longer then it really is and sometimes almost impossible to withstand but when we meet again and you hug me, it's all worth it. 

Being in your arms, and having you in mine, is worth it. When you hug me I get metaphorical butterflies in my stomach. A hug from you brightens my entire week and makes me feel like I can take on the world. Just seeing you visually, not having to have physical contact, makes me so much more happier.

I saw the expression of utter adoration on your face as you watched Roman while he and Virgil rehearsed for the school play in 11th grade. I know that you love all of us but I also know that the love you hold for Roman is different from the love you have for the rest of our friends and I.

In a moment of excitement and adrenaline, Roman kissed you after his show and confessed his own romantic feelings. As I watched in the doorway, I realized that I had missed my shot. I do not have the heart to even hope that yours and Roman relationship will end. 

Until that moment, I pictured having a life with you and I at each other's side as husbands. I want your happiness above anything else, even if it is not with me. You love Roman and that isn't something you can control. I love you and that's something I can't control. 

I pictured you as the husband I shall never have. The Dad to my child(ren) that will never exist. The lover I shall never hold. The maker of a home I will never have.

I don't remember my dreams most nights but when I do, they're often about you, Patton. In these dreams I'm content in your arms. In them I have kissed your lips. In them we hold each other.

I'm grateful for my dreams although waking up can be unpleasant. In my dreams you love me and have loved me for decades as we've grown old. Many times I have found myself wanting them to real.

"Patton," 

I love your name. Saying it makes a warm feeling blossom in my chest. It reminds me of 13 years of memories I have with you. It reminds the way your hair falls in your eyes when you get emotional. It reminds me of your dimples when you smile. It reminds me of your soft brown eyes. It reminds me of you long neck that I wish to kiss. It reminds me of your arms that I wish to be held by. It reminds me of your beautifully scalped body that I'll never able to touch.

I know that by informing you of these emotions and in such detail that I may offend you, I don't wish to. I just need to tell you these thoughts and feelings I have had since I was a young teen so that maybe and hopefully I can move on in life even if I'll never find love as you have and always will have my heart. 

I have always adored you and I try very hard to hide that from you but everytime I see you it seems to get more difficult, I just need to get it off my chest.

When I realized that I love you and that I had lost my shot to Roman, I did not immediately resigned myself. I did try to move on, I did try to love others.

Do you remember that I out went Dee in 10th grade? Do you remember how how many fights we got in and the amount of times I ended up on your doorstep in the early hours of the morning or late hours of the night? While our personalities did clash naturally, a lot of what me and Dee fought about was yours and my closeness. 

Then there was Virgil. I do love our good friend Virgil, and I will be forever grateful that he forgave me after hurting him so much, I just do not love him in the way that I tried to convince myself that I did. In the way that he wanted me to. I am also very glad that he moved on as well. I was overjoyed to hear about his and Thomas's engagment. (Although I always thought that Roman would be the first of us 5 to get married, him being the hopeless romantic that he is.)

You, my darling Patton, are my one and only true love. However illogical these next statements may be I feel that they are true, I feel that I will go to my grave loving you. I think my last thoughts will be of your bright smile. And I, illogically, declare that in our next lifetime you and I shall be together.

This intense affection I have for are also the most painful part of my life. It hurts to know for a fact the you will never love me back in the way I long for. Sometimes the hurt is so bad that I cry.

A few times I wondered if you knew how I feel but then I see that look of utter adoration on your face when you look at Roman and I know that you don't have the slightest clue. You love him and only him.

I should put an end to this letter at some point or another or else I'll ramble on and on about the the things I love about you. This letter will never end and you will never read it as my list of things that I adore about you shall never end either. I could write for all eternity to let you know how I feel but I think I got my point across. So, I end this letter here my loveable Patton. 

I do know that me going off to college isn't the end of our friendship. And that after you read this letter we will see each other again. I hope this letter does not ruin our platonic friendship. I'd love to keep you in my life as a friend if not a lover. Hopefully, after reading this, you will let me stay.

Thank you for being my best friend through the ups and downs of my life so far and always remember that I love you, Patton Morality Sanders.

Sincerely, Logan.


End file.
